im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I wish i was in the wii world.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
