I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
