If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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