I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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