hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
