i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You made out with two different species that night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
