i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
