You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize