I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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