If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
