Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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