i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
