I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
it's like heaven, but drunker
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
