how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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