maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
