Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
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Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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