dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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