Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We're not piercing ourselves today.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
