So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
