I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
