so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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