So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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