she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
