i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just googled if crying burns calories
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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