Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
