I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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