is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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