Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
