Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
