i may or may not be watching the land before time
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
