My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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