i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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