life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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