STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Randomize
