The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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