i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
