i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
