I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
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