dude i'm inner monologue high
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
