I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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