Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
