You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
