If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
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he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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