I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
