please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
