i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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