mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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