i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you traded sex for a burrito?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
