"it" just moved
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
