so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
