11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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