he puts the penis in happiness.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
