Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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