Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
