No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
