I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
