Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
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We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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