there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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