Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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