You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
