yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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