im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
