You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
