Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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