Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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