i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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