Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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