So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
