I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
