My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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