You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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