dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Randomize
