Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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