Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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