If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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